locilre

I really noticed something about the way I act today, and I'm still unsure whether or not it is a good thing. When I meet someone, overtime I will notice that they're better than myself at certain things, x, y, z, which I consider positive. Then, I try and beat them at their level of mastery of x, y, z. For example, Megan is an early riser. Now I think being an early riser is a Good Thing. I'm now trying to get out of bed earlier, and more actively than I usually do. This is a good, proactive move, but it's also childish. I go through cycles of really throwing myself at some goal x, then find a new unrelated goal y, and wind up blowing off a lot of steam in trying to work on x which is then abandoned.

I should note that if someone is ridiculously better than me at something, I won't even bother. This is a pretty loose metric, but I think it is reasonable that I am not taking up piano just for the sake of trumping someone.

Anyway - I clearly can't keep at this.